Oftentimes I’ve been told that I victimise myself, that I overthink, overdo, overreact- that these behavioural tendencies can change, that they’re only temporary, if only I changed myself.
I’d always felt that I viewed people differently, empathised more, felt strongly, gave and stood by more fiercely as compared to what I’d ever received. And that made me question the base, the authenticity, the very existence of all my relations.
Until I realised why I was different. Why I felt so overwhelmed at everything that happened around me, every little trigger that came my way. Also why I’d feel so strongly for my people and my causes. And sometimes it got so much that I’ve had to find ways to release the pain. I found out I am an HSP- Highly Sensitive Person. What that means is I feel all forms of stimuli with more intensity than about 80-85% of people. That I’m constantly absorbing every emotion, reaction, smell, touch and noise and that overwhelms me. Other people’s loud reactions and the minutest mood swings affect me. And I’d always feel so alone in this ordeal because everytime I tried to explain this, no one would understand. I’d be called over emotional or weak. And that in turn brought in bouts of depression and a never ending chaos of anxiety.
As much as I speak on social media, I find it difficult to address this with family or friends. And maybe that’s because I’m sick of hearing that it’s just another phase. I’m sick of people saying they understand me one minute and being insensitive the next.
So I’ve tried and I try to deal with it in my own way- writing, singing, crying, releasing. But I try. As much as I want to give up at times, I promise myself 5 more minutes of sanity, and I try. And it helps. I’d urge you to do the same. Keep pushing yourself because no one else will fight for your life like you will.
Today has been memorable in more ways than one. I went from dealing with anxiety in the morning to something that’s a milestone in my life. And even though I currently feel the anxiety lurking within me, the euphoria is just so much stronger. And even with how hopeless and helpless I’ve felt lately, I know I’ll be okay. More than okay. Which is why, if you’re reading this- don’t give up. Don’t give up on yourself. Your happiness and your life is the only thing worth fighting for. Much love to everyone who’s read till the end. 🖤
Top- Koovs, Jeans- Vero Moda, Pumps- Lulu&Sky, Jewellery- The Populor
Let me start at the beginning of 6th April, 2019.
I knew where I had to shoot for the day and I knew I wanted to wear something refreshing- something that wasn’t all black as was usual to me because I had felt a shift in me.
I first tried on the crop top with a skirt and felt it was just so regular- it stirred nothing within me. And then I thought of pairing it with these jeans. Now, I knew they were mid rise and that a significant part of my tummy (that I always kept covered despite having dared to show my midriff sometimes) would show. But I fell in love with how this looked on me and knew I had to capture this. So I finished this look with my stilettos, statement earrings and a cuff.
Armed with Priti (who is my partner at The Populor and always a support since I’ve always felt so comfortable with her behind the lens) and some confidence, I headed to shoot.
We clicked some lovely pictures on the 1st floor of the location, but as I stepped down the stairs to the lower level, the female behind the counter gave me a glance and looked away, clearly uncomfortable.
For a split second, it did make me want to pull my top a little lower to cover my waist. But I decided against it. Because you see, I had broken such a huge barrier in my head about a norm for plus size women that I didn’t want to go back. I had felt beautiful and gorgeous and fabulous while clicking these pictures and I fell so much more in love with my skin than ever before.
But above all, I realised how much stronger this little step had made me. I don’t blame that lady, she was clearly taken by surprise because while it is absolutely normal for plus size ladies to wear tummy revealing sarees, it’s very preposterous for a woman to do the same in a “western outfit”, isn’t it?
Well, that was the moment when I vowed to not let myself feel that way again. Nor should you. Every time I’ve faced a barrier, I’ve used it as a beacon to give me direction on what to break next. That is how I lift myself higher. I hope this helps you. The next time you want to pull out a crop top, don’t think twice. Wear it. Own it.
Until next time.
Hello my lovelies!
It’s been a while, but heads up- this is probably going to sound like a long rant. But I promise, it has been long coming and is much needed.
I’m a part of a club that meets once a week. On Sunday, one of the members on the stage was correcting another member and said she had “an Alia Bhatt moment”*. About a 100 people laughed and all I could do was fume at their willingness to make light of someone’s mistake. Especially since I know for a fact that he wouldn’t have the answers to every single question under the sun. I mean, its okay to make a mistake. But imagine being a household joke even 6 years later!! It’s preposterous! And it isn’t about just her, I could state a hundred examples from how often I’ve seen this in my day to day life. And I’m sure you have too.
Which brings me to an important question. Why are we okay with putting someone down for our amusement? Why is it okay to give ourselves temporary happiness at the expense of someone else?
Upon delving deep into this and observing the people around, I’ve come to the conclusion that for most times, only someone who isn’t whole within themselves would be okay with feeling better about themselves by putting someone else down. Only someone who doesn’t love themselves would want to hurt someone else because let’s face it- hurt breeds hurt. And I get it, but it’s so unhealthy in the long run for you more than anyone else.
And of course Alia wasn’t present at the meeting, but is that a habit you want to inculcate within you? Is that the kind of person you want to be? Because I swear, this isn’t a one time thing. Once you get a taste for this, you’re going to quickly move from celebrities to neighbours and then to your dear ones. And you will end up hurting them. So the next time you catch yourself in the act, I implore you to ask yourself why. Because if you introspect, you will find a part of you that needs healing.
Heal it. Watch what you speak. Love and respect people and I swear it will come back tenfold. Because if hurt breeds hurt, then love nurtures love. For sure.
I love you guys
*For those of you who don’t know the moment he was referring to, it was when Alia Bhatt named the wrong person as the President of India at her Koffee with Karan debut episode back in 2013
If you’ve been following my Instagram, you’ll have read my post on how I’ve been subconsciously trying to write about mental health and where I stand today with it.
Each of us go through phases. Some good, some bad. But who we are is a reflection of what we’ve learnt and implemented. I was someone who had become emotionally unavailable to people due to past experiences. I’d hold up and harbour feelings because I thought expressing them would either be weak or unnecessary. And what that did, was let so much space for negativity to hole up within me that I got into a vicious cycle of holding onto the littlest of things, and that made me bitter- only I didn’t realise.
A few months ago, I sat to evaluate what was going on with me. And the moment I realised this, I knew I had to change, to release and let go. I also knew that if someone indeed did matter to me, it was important to be vulnerable around them and express. It was okay to speak my heart. I would either gain a better relationship or know that it had to be let go of. It’s still difficult for me, but through conscious efforts, I have made progress.
Little did I know, this little (major) step changed so much for me. By being vulnerable time and again with the right people (and some wrong), I kind of got over the fear of it. It strengthened some relations and gave me direction to take action on some relations. I also began to be vulnerable within myself.
I began to accept things instead of making excuses. I could now detach myself from situations and look at them with an outsiders point of view, which lead to better decisions. Isn’t it strange, how one little step could change so many things? Add so much more value to my life? Release negativity and let me breathe in love?
Honestly, I feel every single time I’ve felt my self-love is at its peak, the mountain gets higher. And I love it so goddamn much- that euphoria after the struggle, the contentment after the hustle.
I urge you, reflect within yourself. Find what’s holding you back and change it. One little conscious step could domino all your problems down. Be naked with yourself.
Much love to you guys!
Hello and welcome to my very first blogpost featuring Indian festive wear!!!
For the past two years, I’ve refrained from writing about festive outfits because to be honest, even though I looooove dressing up in them (what with the elaborate makeup and jewellery-also, can go all bling without being judged) I hate how heavy and uncomfortable they get if worn for longer than a couple of hours. But there’s just something about these outfits that makes you feel pretty and delicate, brings out the grace in tomboys and of course, ALWAYS brings compliments.
Since the wedding/festive season is here, I couldn’t help myself this year. I’m not sure if it’s this pretty outfit that’s comfortable or my newfound desire to bring almost every thought inside my head to life, but here it is!
The outfit I’m wearing here is a 3 piece. Leggings, an anarkali and a jacket on top. Of course, this is a day wear and I would probably wear it for every function except an actual wedding (because c’mon, that calls for a lot of bling!) The fabric allowed me to breathe and I just couldn’t stop twirling. Clothes that make me happy are the best!
It was pretty easy to style this one because the outfit speaks for itself. Some gold earrings, my mother’s gold bangle, a pair of golden wedges, a tong to curl my hair and a truckload of makeup was all I needed to finish the look.
A new post will be up later this week.
Love, Dimple. xoxo
Total disclaimer: I’m not basic. I don’t do basics.
But I LOVE to play with basics and amp them up. This t-shirt was one such. When I saw it online, I really liked the rad print. What aided my decision was the fact that 10% of the proceeds go towards The Dharavi Project. But when I received the t-shirt, I instantly fell in love with the comfort it provided.
Back to how I love to amp my basics up, I decided to style this one in 3 ways for y’all. Let’s have a look at them.
1.) A mid-calf gathered skirt.
Since the print is in red, I decided to go for a red plaid gathered skirt. I’ve knotted the top up at my natural waist since the length of the skirt is long enough to permit it. But you can also tuck it in if you wish to. Since this look is super casual, I went for my black statement ballerinas. A bronze watch to complement the reds in the clothes completed my look.
2) A high waist pencil skirt
Since I’m an hourglass, I love anything that shows off my curves. I chose a deep olive green pencil skirt to pair with my tee so the red print would stand out. Since the skirt was a high waist and just under my knees, I decided to tuck my t-shirt in. A pair of blingy pumps and a rose gold watch later, I was done.
3) Ripped Jeans
This one’s a no brainer. A basic tee with ripped or distressed jeans can never go wrong. But I really like to amp things up. So I took my really worn pair of denims, wore my fishnet stockings inside and paired the whole look with my red booties to complement the red print. A black leather watch and silver cuff completed this look.
There are a hundred ways in which you can style a basic tee. These are 3 of my go-to ones. If I had to pick a favourite though, it would be the one with the olive skirt (curves and all). Which one is your favourite out of these? How would you style them?
Check their collection out here.
Until next time,
Love, Dimple. xoxo