Oftentimes I’ve been told that I victimise myself, that I overthink, overdo, overreact- that these behavioural tendencies can change, that they’re only temporary, if only I changed myself.
I’d always felt that I viewed people differently, empathised more, felt strongly, gave and stood by more fiercely as compared to what I’d ever received. And that made me question the base, the authenticity, the very existence of all my relations.
Until I realised why I was different. Why I felt so overwhelmed at everything that happened around me, every little trigger that came my way. Also why I’d feel so strongly for my people and my causes. And sometimes it got so much that I’ve had to find ways to release the pain. I found out I am an HSP- Highly Sensitive Person. What that means is I feel all forms of stimuli with more intensity than about 80-85% of people. That I’m constantly absorbing every emotion, reaction, smell, touch and noise and that overwhelms me. Other people’s loud reactions and the minutest mood swings affect me. And I’d always feel so alone in this ordeal because everytime I tried to explain this, no one would understand. I’d be called over emotional or weak. And that in turn brought in bouts of depression and a never ending chaos of anxiety.
As much as I speak on social media, I find it difficult to address this with family or friends. And maybe that’s because I’m sick of hearing that it’s just another phase. I’m sick of people saying they understand me one minute and being insensitive the next.
So I’ve tried and I try to deal with it in my own way- writing, singing, crying, releasing. But I try. As much as I want to give up at times, I promise myself 5 more minutes of sanity, and I try. And it helps. I’d urge you to do the same. Keep pushing yourself because no one else will fight for your life like you will.